New Fall Classes for Men

(My mother sent me this and I thought it was hilarious! The camping and window and generator project to be updated, with photos, asap. Right now the house is covered in drywall dust and the anal retentive cleaner in me is trying to not completely lose it).

Fall Classes for Men @  the ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED By Friday October 15, 2010

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8  PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
 
Class 3 

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
 
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics..
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
 
Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video. 

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM
 
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. 

 
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
 
Class 11 

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
 
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
 
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When
You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
 
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
 

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
 

What's up next at the Gilbert's? Camping, Windows and Generators Oh My!

I trek off to the far country of Camp Lakota this weekend to attend Webelos Unplugged with William and thirty other boys and their dads for two nights of frosty camping and eating things cooked on the ground.

Sounds lovely, doesn't it? 

I, however, am preparing for this trip to rival an assault on Mt. Everest, base camp and Sherpas be damned. I am not freezing my bottom off in a tent. My dining room looks like overflow for Cabela's sporting goods right now, and I haven't started to REALLY pack.

Oh they're cute until they pick your bones clean

Monday morning bright and early two crews of installers from Woodland Windows and Doors begin to rip out and replace 72 windows in my home. It's the project we said we'd never do but I always knew we'd end up doing it. I hope I am going to love my new Marvin windows and doors. Seriously, I had better for what we are paying for them.  They estimate it will take them two weeks to finish all the work. It's that big a job. I think they should rename the company Gilbert Windows and Doors. 

Hello Marvin. Meet your new home.

Next Friday we've got more people coming (cause hey, it's just money?!) to install the 20kw whole house generator. We've lived here for 5 years without a power blip, and recently the power has gone off three times, once for 12 hours. Not so bad, you say? Well I'm on well and septic, which means no power no water and no toilets. How long can you hold it for? Me, not so long. It will look something like this:

Scout Trek 2010

We took a family outing to Scout Trek 2010 in Busse Woods Forest Preserve this past weekend. Organized by the NW Council of Boy Scouts, there were several dozen activities that families could participate in. William and Catherine enjoyed the rockets, rock wall and geocaching the best. The weather was overcast and chilly, and participation was obviously a lot lower than they expected (they'd arranged for shuttle buses from remote parking but we found spaces near the entrance). We did get a cool patch!

a real elk

My yard, restored

A gloomy day (and chilly, too) but I wanted to run outside and take a few photos of the final grading and clean up they came to do on Monday. I am glad to not have the trenches and piles of dirt anymore. We had a short but intense rain last night and all the drainage seems to be a go. No overflowing downspouts and the sump pump really didn't run much. My husband reminds me that the ground is pretty dry so it may take more rain to really see a difference. I'm happy to just not have a river around my planting beds in the back like we had before (when the sump just kicked water into the yard and it drained back towards the house).

French? Spanish? Que?

My DD 11 is taking French as a 7th grader. I speak French, French major, lived in France, but am not a native speaker. I do just fine, thank you. My MIL speaks French, same boat. So it was natural she took French. I also speak Brazilian Portguese (lived and worked there) which I learned in grad school (it's not hard to learn after French!). And my Spanish is limited to butchered Portguese-Spanish combos and what I affectionately call "landscaping Spanish." Donde esta el mulch?

Forgive me.

Met some old neighbors who have put their foot down on languages. Spanish ONLY. No one speaks French, Spanish taking over etc etc. You all know it. We don't have another choice except for German. They practically were aghast anyone would take French (or German).

So do you think Spanish is really the way to go? I figure what difference does it make, learn one learn the next one. I did.

What the hell happened to your yard?

Remember when?

I'm saving these for forensic evidence

We used to have grass.

Now we have mud

And holes

And trenches

And mounds of clay

oh they think it's fun. Perhaps they think we are putting in a pool?

That quote comes directly from the mouth of a landscape contractor upon surveying the dismal state of my yard. Technically, they call it "lawn restoration" although at this point it looks less likely to be restored as it does to be replaced.

The guy could not believe the mess. At one point he asked my husband if he'd finished paying the contractor for the job. My husband replied we hadn't paid him any money yet. Then the landscaper asked how much we were going to pay, then stopped my husband and said no no let me tell you how much * I * would have charged to dig this drainage and you can tell me if you got a good deal.

His price: $7,000- $9,000

We are paying $2000.

He could not believe this, saying but this guy must be losing money!  

Maybe he is, but it's his money to lose.

Oh and we got the landscapers verbal quote just this morning on our phone. He wouldn't send anything in writing (strange!) and it was $3,200!  For one day's work and a guy with a bobcat.

Even at that price (and we have two other quotes coming), we are still cheaper than his price to do the entire job.

Meanwhile, it's raining. It's muddy. And I would like my yard back.

At least the front still looks nice.

My poor yard

Drainage projects abound at my home. We're rerouting downspouts and gravity drains. Sigh. That's John in the hat supervising.